Turning 30

Anticipation.  This would best describe what I’ve been feeling these past few years.  We all have dreams of how we want our lives to be.  As I turn 30, I cannot help but evaluate where I am in my life.  Is where I am right now where I imagined myself to be?

I remember setting life goals.  Particularly what I would accomplish by the age of 30.  I pictured myself having a self-sustaining business and my own family.  This became my measuring stick for success.  If this was still my basis, I would have failed terribly.  Despite not having these things at this point in my life, I can without a doubt say I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

While it is necessary to plan for our lives and work hard for it, a big part of the outcome is beyond our control.  No matter how ready we may think we are, some things can only be brought about by time.  I have responded with these “delays” with frustration, hopelessness and inadequacy.  This made me question my life’s purpose. Making me wonder if I am just chasing fantasies. It is only in running to God with the cries of my heart did I start to look at things at a different light.

I learned that accomplishments is just a small piece in the grand scheme of things.  Beyond the world’s definition of success, which isn’t guaranteed to last, it is important to build character.  Character is only something that can be forged through time, failures and set-backs.  Patience is something that I had to learn, it wasn’t easy and it is still a continuous learning process.  While I want things to go my own way, learning to wait and trust God is teaching me how to be humble.  Waiting doesn’t mean being idle, it is moving forward and being productive in every area of our lives.  By doing so, yet another character is being built: perseverance.  The Bible says:


Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:4 NIV)

In retrospect, the character that is being built is developing maturity in my life.  And this is something that can never be taken away.  Though doubts more often than not fill my heart and mind, causing me to second guess myself and my purpose.  I have to fix my eyes on God and anchor my hope in Him.  I know one day all my dreams will come to pass and I will have the wisdom and the right attitude in handling it. When that time comes, I can be a blessing to others beyond just being blessed.

Power of a Woman

I’ve been thinking about some recent conversations I’ve had with friends. I noticed that we, women, often want to know what men find attractive.  It is probably because we desire to capture the hearts of men who would give us love and security.  I remember finding myself in different situations, one of which was being the only girl among men, and for some weird reason I think they forgot that someone of the opposite sex was in their midst.  The conversations normally started with how some girl was so into them and would flow to how easy it is to get a certain girl, how “hot” a girl was etc… Another situation is among women, where the importance of being attractive and sexy is what is emphasized, on how women can act a certain way to get the guy they want, on how you should just “practice” on random guys until you meet the one you like.  Conversations like this are seemingly fun, insightful but admittedly confusing. I have to admit that there’s a part of me that enjoys “girl talk” about boys, but I keep thinking to myself that for something so important as love there has to be a more important role for beauty, a deeper understanding of beauty than just as a tool for a game. If love is so great, if it is so special, why is it played like a board game?

Not to sound religious, but my questions on what exactly is attractive in a woman, made me prayerfully seek God for answers.  I wanted to know why men find women “easy” and why women can charm their way.  Mainly also because I’ve seen so many broken women who get what they want yet end up even more troubled than when they started.  I’ve seen so many women who are obviously settling for what is convenient.  I’ve also met women who are tired of being good because it really doesn’t appear to get you anywhere in this world.

Upon prayer and reflection, I realized that women have power and the power lies in the beauty each of us carry.  Why do you think an innocent flirt, a subtle manipulation can catch men off guard?  Why does the book of Proverbs warn men over and over again to be careful of seducers?  Advertisements and media glorifies this way of living by creating an illusion that you can use the power of your beauty to get the glamorous life everyone longs and strives for.  And yes, it works, beauty is powerful, it is tried and tested.

However, as much as you can lure, it can’t last.

Yet beyond this distorted power of beauty, there is the real power of beauty that God designed and bestowed upon each woman.  This is best described in 1 Peter 3:3-4

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 

Two of the things that really struck me in these verses are the phrases “unfading beauty” and “great worth”.  God has given us a beauty that transcends the demands of the world, it is a beauty that is imperishable.  He has also given us a beauty that is so precious to Him.  The beauty here is that of a woman whose heart is gentle and quiet because she rests secure in the love and identity that God gives.  My previous entry on Dignified Grace talks more about this.  This then results in power, and what exactly is this power? It’s gaining the favor of God and respect of men.  When a man respects a woman, he treats her differently. He doesn’t use her but partners with her. He doesn’t take advantage of her but understands that they’re greatest advantage is found in working together. He respects her role in his life and his life in hers, and he values this exchange.