One of the things I struggle with constantly is forgiving myself for past mistakes. I'm sure I'm not the only one. All of us have made mistakes, some of our mistakes have lingering consequences, and the devil likes to remind us of these things. Sometimes, when I see successful people, I feel that I could have been like her, I could have done things differently, and then I'm reminded. Sometimes the reminders come from other people through criticism and accusation, and again I am reminded.
Yet, when I see my kids, I am reminded of how God is my Father, that even when I don't meet the standard I am always welcome home. I'm actually not too far from how my kids act. When I tell them to do their homework, or shower, or eat their food, sometimes they don't understand, they even complain and rebel. Have I ever wanted anything harmful to them? Of course not! But they won't always understand. Why? They're kids!
That's how I am with God many times. Whining about His way, when His way is good for me.
And even when I whine and grumble, just as I keep caring for my kids and pressing them to do the right thing, God is patiently pressing me on.
Earlier this year, I read this novel by Francine Rivers entitled Redeeming Love (thus my title). It narrated the book of Hosea in a very relatable way. I saw God in a different light. I was humbled by His never-ending, always persevering love. Redeeming Love was the story of Hosea in different setting.
I'm not going to narrate the whole story here. It's a touching book that made me cry so so much and I definitely recommend it. I just want to point out something significant that I picked up from the book. Angel, the female character in the story, had a troubled past and was struggling also with her present life. She's a prostitute and that's her way of living. She didn't think there was an escape to the prison called her life. She didn't know any other life.
Then Michael Hosea, the male lead, rescued her. Literally bought her from prostitution and took her to live with him as his wife. Here was this hardworking farmer, a simple godly man, a good friend, a moral guy falling in love with a hurt, bitter, hardhearted, emotionally cold, physically abused lady.
There are more twists to the story than just a great guy rescues poor girl, but one of them is this: after being rescued by Michael Hosea, the girl, Angel, could not appreciate him. In fact, there were moments of resentment.
Michael took her out of her "bad" situation. But she was proud. She felt entitled. She was ungrateful. She could only see that Michael didn't give her pretty clothes, that he wasn't fancy, that he made her do manual labor, that he made her read her Bible. She only saw obligations. There's no joy in obligations.
Even Michael had his own trouble with the situation. He tried to be patient, but his insecurity started to show. He started to get impatient, even angry.
They say that the true mirror of our soul are other souls. How we act and respond when we come into contact with others reveals a lot about who we are.
Redeeming Love showed two characters. One who was righteous and did everything right. One who was immoral and did everything wrong. While reading the book, I couldn't help but relate myself to both of them. I can be self-righteous at times and yet many times, most of the time actually, I feel like I do everything wrong. But that's not the highlight of the story. What the author wanted to point out was that whether you think you're good or bad, we need God to make our lives more meaningful.
Later in the book, God would touch Angel's heart, He would give her a new name, a new identity, and only then would she appreciate how incredible Michael had been. Michael, despite his own faults, understood that God was good to him, so he could be good to Angel. God didn't treat him as he deserved, so he didn't treat her as she deserved. She couldn't appreciate this because she saw the world as contest of survival. It was only until she realized that love isn't about what one deserves but about what one is willing to give, just as God willingly gave us everything, only then did she appreciate Michael.
If I, a flawed woman and a mom with a lot to learn, can love my kids so purely, then I know that this kind of love doesn't just exist in a story. I know that God who is perfect has given me His love and because of that I am redeemed - no matter my past mistakes and no matter what anybody says.
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