A Friend Loves at All Times

I've always known the importance of friends. I think most people do. Ask anyone if they value their friends, and the the likely answer is, "Yes. Of course!" I can't say I'm the most sociable person in the world (I'm actually quite shy when it comes to meeting new people), but among the things that are important to me, what I value most are my relationships - especially the relationships that help me become better.

The older I get, the more I realize that there really is no need to strive with friends. Why should one have to prove that she is cool, popular, and accepted? Shouldn't friends be with you no matter what? I have to admit, my own insecurities and fears had me trying to live the way I thought others would approve of, and in a world of so many different metrics of worth, the harder I tried to gain people's acceptance, the more confused I became about who I really was. I was drifting further away from the real me.

As I realized this, I started to pray for true friends. What is a true friend? People who will help me become a better version of myself, as another true friend likes to put it. These are people who accept and love me at my best and worst. People who know my flaws, my weaknesses, and shortcomings yet never take advantage of me or reject me.

Then I realized that my prayer was already answered. The One I was praying to was my answer as well. God had always been all of that. He was and is a true friend. It was only when I learned to accept the love of God did I learn what true friendship was.

I realized that had I made friendship about me, about what kind of person would be good for me. I had a selfish motive. Now I understand that friendships are gifts and blessings. I'm so blessed that God has answered my prayer, by first being my ever-present friend, and by sending people into my life to walk with me. When you see friendship as a gift, you won't take it for granted because you know that if you don't take care of this relationship, you'll lose it. 

Friendship is a gift. It is freely given. The recipient is free to accept it or reject it. He is free to value it or neglect it. You don't expect anything in return, you offer your friendship because it is a decision or even better, a delight. It works both ways, you can't force your hand on it. Many times, it will be rejected but the freedom to choose is part of what you offer. But don't worry too much about rejection, because if you're valuing what God values, you're bound to find others who think the same.

Friendship also means shared life. It just naturally falls into place. True friendship is purposeful and constant. My closest friends and I share common interests in food, music, culture, books. But what really keeps us close is that we also share the same values and standards. It is at this place where it can flourish, it cannot possibly survive in a rigid controlled imposed environment. There will always be differences but there is depth of love and acceptance. I guess this also means that not everyone is going to be your friend. I've learned that that is ok. Not all relationships are meant to last.

Friendships also shape us. Like my friend said, "Surround yourself with people who will bring out the best version of yourself." I think he got that from a book. A true friend encourages and strengthens you to improve and advance. It won't hinder you from being your best. It won't drag you down. Similarly we should bring out the best in our friends lives.

Dinner with some friends

A few of my friends and I gather once a week to enjoy a nice dinner, study God's word, and pray together. It's one of the activities I look forward to every week. Very recently, one of the guys, I won't say who, but he crossfits the most (Haha!), politely expressed concern over the quality of our sharing and prayer and laid-out a few rules including: "No gadgets", "Be on time" and "Be polite". I was so encouraged to see everyone's reaction to his message. No one was defensive, people actually acknowledged they were guilty of specific things, and thanked him for pointing things out. We would never have had these reactions if we didn't share one important thing: our primary relationship is with God. When 3 or more gather to worship Him, He truly is there (Matthew 18:20). He is our friend at all times.