Time flies by fast. And it seems to speed up once we get older. When I was younger, I felt like infinity was in front of me. Now, while
the future is still so exciting, I’ve realized the importance of seizing each
day or that famous phrase carpe diem. Many of us like the thought of “seizing
each day” but how many of us actually do? I’m grateful to God for my life, but
looking back, there were opportunities and moments I could have seized.
What stopped me?
What stops all of us?
The F-word: Fear.
And many times, I find myself asking the questions: Did I
make the right decision? Could I have done things differently? Should I have stepped out more? Should
I have given it a try? I guess you can say these questions aren’t worth
dwelling on; the past is past after all. But I’m writing this not so much for
myself but to encourage those of you who are younger to be wise and smart and
educated, but at the same time be free and brave.
Growing up, I found myself setting boundaries and rules in
my life. I did this because I felt I needed to protect myself. When I was in high
school, I made my first rule: No boyfriend until I graduated college. Then my
second rule was to never say “I love you” to anyone until I was married. Then
my third rule was never to show too much affection and hold back so that in the
end, when things don't work out, I wont be at the losing end. Sounds smart
right?
Well, it would have been, if I hadn’t made the rules out of
fear. Rules are great, they protect us in fact, but when the rules are powered
by fear, they become more like bars in a cage. Looking back, because of fear, I
approached relationships like a competition I didn’t want to lose. I wasn’t
going to fall first. I wasn’t going to give too much. The fear of getting hurt, fear of being rejected, of someone
else having the last laugh was always in my mind. While I was bound by all these boundaries and self-infested
rules, I found myself getting frustrated more and more. The boundaries that I
thought were there to protect me ended up holding me back.
It was not just in relationships that I put strict boundaries.
I found myself applying this in every aspect of my life. In my finances, I
would make it a point to restrict myself from spending and enjoying the fruits
of my labor because I had monetary goals.
With my family, when issues and problems would arise, I would bail out
and not acknowledge that there were issues. Instead, I would paint this perfect
picture in my mind of what my family should be and made myself believe that the
picture I painted was what was real. With friends, I always made sure that all
my actions were done in a way that people would have nothing bad to say about
me.
It was all about rules, rules, and more rules. In the course
of trying to protect myself, I found myself getting more miserable as the days
went by. I wasn't enjoying life to the fullest. I wasn't enjoying the freedom
God had given me to love and give freely. Things would get tiring and frustrating.
The relationships, that actually were hopeful looking back, didn’t last when
things wouldn’t turn out a certain way. I never went too far with the men I
dated, they probably were frustrated by the kind of relationship we were in.
I just want to be clear that it’s not the rules or
boundaries that hold us back. It’s fear. We need standards, but these need to
be coming from faith that as long as we’re obeying God, we’re free to explore
this life He gave us.
I realized that finding true freedom is when you learn to
give freely and love freely, without expecting anything in return and true
freedom is learning to trust God through the hurts and pains. It involves
taking risks so that you can find out what’s on the other side of the fence. It
is learning to be true to your feelings and showing them. It is knowing how to
stand up again when you fall. Its accepting things as they are and realizing
that experiences and relationships help define who you are.
That’s what I’m doing today, living
to the fullest, trusting God more, fearing less.
I have learned
to see things through the eyes of trust. Trusting that my heart is in the hands
of God. That my future, He holds safely in His hands, and that His will is to
prosper and not to harm me. So why hold back when I can let go and let God?
Again, saving, being friendly, protecting myself, these are
all great things. Please don’t get me wrong. I believe boundaries are not just
good, they’re important. I’m simply pointing out that our boundaries should not
be powered by fear. Like my friend likes to say, “The goal of life is not
‘don’t get hurt’. The goal of life is to glorify God by achieving our purpose.”
Let’s enjoy the freedom that God has given us. While we must
respect boundaries, the Bible says that they have fallen for us in pleasant
places. We have a delightful inheritance. (Psalm 16:6)
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